Facebook has turned me into a stalker

I know where you live.

I know where you work and that you’re positioned for a promotion soon.

I know where you went to school and what you majored in.

I know your birthday. I even know what celebrations you had on your birthday.

I know where you went out last night.

I know which movie you watched the other day.

I know your favourite food. I even know what you left unfinished on the plate.

I know your favourite book and quotes.

I know your favourite football team. I support the same too.

I know which actor makes you swoon and which song tugs at your heart strings.

I know who you hang out with and where you love to party the most.

I know all about you, yet nothing about you.

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Ten years ago probably, hearing these statements from a random person would have FREAKED. YOU. OUT. Fast forward to now, the age of social networking and Facebooking in particular, and we think, ‘Meh, what else is new?’ 

I mean, what is up with our insane need to share everything with everyone! We’re so publicly accessible that even a chimp with a computer can look us up and know how we roll. Remember Amy’s nicotine addicted monkey from The Big Bang Theory? Yeah, him – I have high hopes for him.

Amy_Farrah_Fowlers_smoking_monkey

——————-

FOCUS.

So yeah, Facebook is great, social networking is great, I would have lost touch with about 70 per cent of my friends if not for this amazing piece of work. But sometimes it just seems so weird. Like when you look at a word for so long that you start to question the spelling, its pronunciation and even its existence?! Yeah, that kinda weird.

What do you think?

In the meanwhile, I’m going to get some breakfast.

‘Healthy breakfast this morning!’ . Post photograph of a bowl of oatmeal topped with some berries. Add filter. #nofilter. [#ofcourseI’mlying #alsothere’sleftoverpizzainthefridge #byebyehealthy ]

20 likes in two minutes. Faith in popularity of self, restored.

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#ChillguurlitsonlyabowlofoatmealnotTheTajMahal

Good morning!

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Reality Check!

Seventeen year old wishful me had thought a few things would happen by the time I turned twenty one. Now that I’m a few months away from 22, I thought, Hey! Let’s take a trip down memory lane, shall we!

Le conversation between my past and present. You can guess which is which.

“These zits are going to be history”

Sorry soul sister, but these zits still manage to magnificently materialize out of your forehead or your cheeks or nose, you name it, right before a big party or that occasional get-together you have with your high school mates where, everyone a. looks fabulous b. looks fabulous c. looks fabulous. And just for the record, you still look like you could do with a few extra pounds and ahem, up there too. And no, you still don’t go to the gym. Or do power yoga. But if it’s any consolation, you wish you did – every single morning.

“I’ll be in the perfect job”

Far from it. Turns out, you actually have a lot of hard work to do before that happens.

“I’mma be rolling in them dollars”

Stop talking like you’re gangster. And no! You’re not ‘rolling in them dollars’. Who do you think you are?! Your bank account figures are disgraceful.

“I will love Linkin Park forever”

You still love them but you just don’t listen to their music anymore. You’re just 21 and loud music hurts your ears already.

“My skin & hair care routine is going to be impeccable. Healthy choices will be second nature”

See answer to ‘rolling in them dollars’. Impeccable skin care routine come at a cost apparently.  And as far as healthy choices are concerned,

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“My rotis will be so round”

Sorry, they still look like somebody with a rolling pin went crazy on a pile of dough. Making mom think you’ll make a good daughter-in-law for someone someday?  

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Forget about it. 

“I will have taken things to the next level with the love of my life”

Umm.. WHO?!

So yeah! Let me know what other bubbles of your delusional younger self you have had to, unfortunately, burst!